fiction: wake up

Brain: Come on, wake up!
Me: (groggily) Eh?
Brain: Come on... time to wake up.
Me: (looks at clock) Aww, come on brain. It's seven a.m.
Brain: Exactly. Seven a.m. Time to wake up.
Me: Brain, please, give it a rest. It's Sunday. I want the extra sleep. Now, shut up and let me have at least another hour or so.
Brain: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
Me: I'm not Dave. That's a line from the 2001 Space Odyssey film. Why did you call me Dave?
Brain: Hah! Got you thinking now! See, there's the visuals department playing the scene now. You are remembering it. What's that song? Daisy Daisy? How's it go?
Me: Oh very clever. Not playing. In fact, I'm going to shut you down. Now shut up.
Brain: But we've got a busy day.
Me: No we haven't. It's Sunday. Nothing doing. Go away.
Brain: Liverpool are playing today. Mustn't miss that. Dog walk. You've got that.
Me: That's hours away. Kick off at 4.30pm. Out with the dog at about mid-day.
Brain: So have you got anything to get out of the way to make sure you're OK to sit down and watch the football at 4.30pm? You still need to clean out those gutters. And you could do with trimming the hedges before the nesting season starts. That's a pretty big job you can get done if the weather plays nice. What is the weather forecast today anyway?
Me: I know what you're doing. I'm not thinking about it. Let me drift off again for a while longer. Please?
Brain: OK. Fair enough. But I'll have to talk to stomach and make sure it's alright to do that first.
Me: Stomach?
Brain: Hang on, I'm just speaking to stomach on the other line now... OK. Yes... yes...
Me: Other line?
Brain: Oh yes, me and stomach have a hotline. And bladder as well.
Me: Well, I tell you what, you just all have a chat among yourselves and leave me out of it for another hour or two.
Brain: Are you ready stomach?
Stomach: Systems initiated. Need to get up in 10, 9, 8, 7....
Me: Oh no...
Stomach: ...3,2...
Me: (Throws off duvet, reaches for dressing gown) Oh shhhh...
Brain: Exactly.
 

20 minutes later...

Brain: Well done stomach
Stomach: What can I say? Bit of a rumble, bit of uncertainty... then bang, certainty! It's what I do. Curry last night helped of course.
Me: Bastards.
Brain: So, what shall we do now we're awake? We've got hours before we have to go out. Tell you what, shall we write a post on your blog?